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i hate akiya <3

Take a look at a dark night sky. What do you see? Dots? Trillions upon trillions of dots? Sometimes when I look at the night sky even if I’m in a lit area like here, I tend to think about life. So many things we haven’t discovered. So many things beyond our own vision. Something so much greater than what we see. Our eyes can only tell so much. The universe is so very large, one can only think how small we are or what meaning we have. Indeed, we are small, but our comprehension grows much larger. Maybe the meaning of life is yet to be discovered by the infinite cosmos? Maybe the meaning of life is not as deep as I’m about to say? Maybe the meaning of life is what we make it? So many distant objects like stars surround the entirety of our planet. Trillions of stars out there beyond our reach. It is almost guaranteed a star will have some form of planet that goes around it. A planet with such harsh conditions that no human would begin to think about living there. Our standards for life is something similar to our atmosphere, but what if life could flourish in a different atmosphere? Different climate? Perhaps there’s more to life than meets the eyes. Within in infinitely large universe there is bound to be infinitely many possibilities. So many things thought to be impossible might just be possible. What if sci-fi isn’t as crazy as it sounds? What if sci-fi is actually within reason? Maybe the “fiction” is just something too crazy for us humans to get? My point is that life is about discovery. Without discovery than nothing we know now exists. Perhaps the meaning of life is to create a meaning of life? Create it for ourselves personally. Maybe everyone’s meaning is different. Or maybe it’s beyond comprehension. What if it’s discovered moments before death? If one were to be sucked into a black hole, everyone else would see them instantly die. But for the one being sucked in, everything happens slowly. Perhaps that’s when life shows its meaning. Or maybe that’s when life starts? Could it start after it ends? Or could it never start at all?

Maybe mine ended when Akiya kicked me out of our group like a bug underneath his shoe, shoving aside all of my hard work and effort so he could take the spotlight on his own. My father works 48 hours a day. My sister leaves every chance she gets. I sit every night and force a smile as I look at my empty home. All I can do is sit and pray. Every day at school, I work hard as the president and as a manager to the one who left me behind. I do it all with a smile. I love to help everyone, to make them smile. Sometimes when I'm at work at one of my part time jobs, after I've accidentally hurt myself again some way, the smile of everyone I have helped flashes in my mind and I forget the crippling agony of my life for a moment. When the customer comes in and throws a glass of water in my face, I smile as I pick out the pieces from my skin. When I go to a restaurant and can only afford eight glasses of water, I smile. When I curl up in my empty house, having burnt another attempt at a meal, I smile. When I look up at the ceiling thinking about my life, how low I have fallen, I smile. I am poor. I have no skills or talents. I am nothing. Thank you, Akiya, for teaching me this. When I crawled up from the ashes of my broken family, trying to make something of my future, you were there to remind me of reality. I needed that. I'll never forget what you've done for me. Thank you. I am still smiling.